Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Arbeit durch Schmerz

Es ist immer eine neue haltung... diese mal fur mich besser...

I pack my case.
I check my face.
I look a little bit older.
I look a little bit colder.
With one deep breath, and one big step,
I move a little bit closer.
I move a little bit closer.
For reasons unknown.

I caught my stride.
I flew and flied.
I know if destiny’s kind, I’ve got the rest of my mind.
But my heart, it dont beat, it dont beat the way it used to.
And my eyes, they dont see you no more.
And my lips, they dont kiss, they dont kiss the way they used to,
and my eyes don’t recognize you no more.
for reasons unknown...

There was an open chair.
We sat down in the open chair.
I said if destiny’s kind, i’ve got the rest of my mind.
But my heart, it dont beat, it dont beat the way it used to.
And my eyes, they dont see you no more.
And my lips, they dont kiss, they don’t kiss the way they used to,
and my eyes don’t recognize you at all...

Music by: The Killers [For Reasons Unknown]

Tuesday, December 08, 2009


So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
Music by: Isn't obvious?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Die nachricht

At the end I know perfectly the reason for my insomnia. I never imagined to get aware of your new condition in this way. I searched for it and now I see why I was not able to see; just because I was willing not to see.
I'm feeling strangely alienated; maybe because I pictured a total different moment to cheer this; even I'm still on the position that it's the better the destiny may have prepared for both... just not for me to realize that I breathed extra based on my own ignorance; but that's something I cannot change by now.
I feel bad for myself, since I tried to make things different this time; maybe at the end it doesn't depended on me, but rather all time on you. I'm still this way happy for you, because I see the reason of your smile clearer than ever. I will hope the best from now on from a totally different position, but believe me; it comes from the bottom of my heart.
I do feel tired...
Music by: Katie Melua [ The Closest Thing to Crazy]

Monday, November 30, 2009

Der Epilog

The aftermath of everything that could have been was finally faced in this tale I've created on my own. I must say that it was not so bad at all; thanks to the fact that I spent most of the time worrying about other things very similar in nature but atemporarily misbehaved. I felt the necessity of making evident what I'm sure was present maybe just as a thought, causing probably very different effects. I'm glad to see that even this was forgiven.
By now it's clear that the plans were from now on to have no plan; and that leave me with less to miss even in my mind were some milestones put away still kind of far with the original intention of living them later. Somebody told me a couple of weeks ago that this is about learning to be alone too; to learn that a new promise of the future must come within the welfare truly experienced. On the other hand, I received kind of a "complaint" regarding bad seasons repeating once and again and a sense of exhaustness related to them; which made me think also about what do we call a bad season. The tenderness I felt is obviously something I miss and that's making me fear* again, even I'm also pretty sure this is not what is on the script for me by now.

By this time, I still keep in mind that we live what we are prepared to live; that is useful to cry whenever we need to clean our vision to see what's coming. I repeat this everytime I still feel blue for the past.
"... Time came as creeping, and time's a loaded gun,
every road is a ray of light,
It goes on, time can only lead you on
still, such a beautiful night..."

* a concise and long explanation regarding fear was posted some time ago

Music by: The Mars Volta [ Vicarious Atonement]

Monday, November 23, 2009

Neun millionen fahrräder...

I think at the end all the time it is on me.
Not only because it was supposed to be this way; but also because I do think that it was necessary in order to gain a balance that could allow once again the future to manifest in a better shape. I'm still struggling with myself regarding how this situation can be handled without leaving space for committting with past mistakes as if I never had lived this before.
I still attach those concepts to these times I was not quite aware of the things I was living. I saw some ghosts in the same streets, and some postcards in the same places; that left me once again with the feeling of having lost something that cannot be replaced. I realized with a certain sadness that those streets lack of the same life than before, and that the color of those times was never related to the buildings. I even considered myself kind of disabled to go through the same again in some aspects; just because I'm still out of the focus that let me won before. Even when I'm pretty sure this is not what I want for myself soon (and never); I still freeze when facing the start of a path that may lead to everything I've ever wanted.
It is hard, maybe overseeing that I'm a person that sticks very roughly to dates and times. Once again the decision to go through this is all on me; but I still fear.
Even all this; I still believe that There are nine million bicycles in Beijing...
Music by: Katie Melua [ Nine million bicycles]

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Freizeit v 2.0

Having the chance enough to rest on somebody else's space gave me the point of view of those conditions that I will not see standing from my own place. I know that spare time give me reasons to miss those other moments that exist in my mind as a nice postcard of different contents.

Once my soul was opened in a certain way by a mix of high voltage rock and silliness long time not seen; I also reminded some moments that gave a reason to smile back again with a certain sorrow for what was also good in the past. I must even say that it was strange to step on the respectful territory that represented the struggle for a beginning I reached and that opened the chance to everything else.

I know that this search for something else is still on the road; being hard again to remember without getting involved. I know that the good warrior don't ever look back...

The case is that for the first time I had the chance to look on me through the eyes of my surrounding world; and that let me rewrite my strategy once again... I just hope this to be the last time.

Even this was difficult again; I must thank all those who are always besides to slap me when needed.

Music by: Jewel ft. Rob Thomas [Here comes the sun]

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Wünsche wünsche

Time has been a hard test to look forward to whatever the future may bring. Anyway, I'm extremely proud of the way the determination to set your mind free of pain was a motor to be better no matter what I felt. I must recognize that unexpected was a moment to look up and see again what originally made me admire you; and now that I needed it the most, you gave me the only reason I needed to hope for something bigger.

The hole in my soul was suddenly filled by respect and individuality, in the only way it was prudent to do it and in the same way, to encourage all those feelings that gained me the title of a psycho and a careless dreamer. I have realized that no matter how crazy it sounds, IF universe got another idea for putting together two stars from different galaxies again; they will have another chance to travel the eternity fused on a single tale.

Curiously, I'm really peaceful for what is yet to come; since it was a powerful lesson to understand that not all the weight is on my shoulders each time. Once again (even I could thank you for the eternity), I'll carry your smile under my skin to give me a reason to be better.

Music by: Sabina, Calamaro y Paez [Mas Guapa que cualquiera]

Friday, November 06, 2009

die antwort

An Ockham's razor is always a shorter path to understandment and evolution; both in knowledge and in life. Sometimes I forgot this, some others I found it very real.

Shall I be more often aware of this; I could be more clear...

Music by: Gustavo Cerati [Té para tres]

Wednesday, November 04, 2009


Stepping right aside the top of the abyss without being able to realize how you made it there is something it is both horrifying and at the same time worth to see. Not only because it's a moment that will force yourself to look for health and forgiveness; but because the fact that you carry behind those who love you in someway. I recognize that the position of understanding this has been a lot more difficult for me than originally thought, but I want to keep clear that this is what I need to do looking for longer term dreams.

Moore, Hodgkinson and Forward may have had a good chance on me; but atemporality and the lack of an study case worth (and bad...) enough to make me a point of interest is precisely what makes me stop before I turn into something I would hate. Today I woke up with the feeling of going from a nice dream to a boring and unsatisfying reality in which I'm still far from the man I want to be, and it took me a couple of hours to truly realize that this is not the way I want to live my life. There is by now nothing in the outside world that could change my perception only because it is that way; and even there was something, this condition would make me refuse the nature of the solution. A circle has been created between what I want and what I feel, and at some point I'm the only one willing to cut it off to start a path again. I may involve turns and drops in this process of drawing again a painting that was starting to fill with dust; and by now I need to understand that this must happen anyway.

It's been harder than I conceived, and now I question if I was really aware of the meaning of the choices made (not all were about choices but at the end living them was indeed a choice). I'm still clear that everything in our life is an option we choose to take or not; either we are not concious of this most of the time. Waking up, having breakfast, walking, arguing, traveling, falling in love, screaming, crying, eating, sleeping, etc. All of them carry a decision that must be made to fulfill the intention and therefore causing an effect in our lifes; and vacilating in the clarity of this decition is even a choice that must be taken with respect.

I personally believe that past must become a support for our present; not our present itself.
I'm not the kind of person that accepts that a certain weakness must be a part of you just because it appears sometime; but instead that everything that bring us pain in anyform need to be taken out. Long time ago a was in the same position and that's why I remember how hard it is to see it right, to hope for better things even they are at the corner. I want to have this clear thinking first in those ones I love and later in a more peaceful version of myself.
Being right or wrong is not something that doesn't matter mainly for me at this point. I want to make the best of this, for me and for others.

Music by: The Killers [That's just your life]

Monday, November 02, 2009

Geistig Verkleidung

These days I've seen why it is important for people to wear something that can represent some part of their nature without being judged in return. I know that most of the time it's important to keep in mind who we are; but it's refreshing to see how good it feels to everybody let themselves go for some time; and find what makes everyone happy with no prejudices.

I still would have liked to left some other things; but I guess it's a matter of taking advantage of what is good by now.

Music by: Interpol [Pace is the trick]

Thursday, October 29, 2009


looking to what is not really there may be translated as incredibly virtuous, even artistically; or either incredibly blind with a tendency to idiocy.

There are a lot of things I want to learn in Life...

Music by: Los Fabulosos Cadillacs [Los Condenaditos]

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

andere leid, andere tag

time takes its crazy toll
and how does your mirror grow
you better watch yourself when you jump into it
'cause the mirror's gonna steal your soul

I wonder how it came to be my friend
that someone just like you has come again
you'll never, never know how close you came
until you fall in love with the diamond rain

throw all his trash away
look out he's here to stay
your mirror's gonna crack
when he breaks into it
and you'll never never be the same

look into his eyes and you can see
why all the little kids are dressed in dreams
I wonder how he's gonna make it back
when he sees that you just know it's make-belief

look into his eyes and you will see
that men are not alone on the diamond sea
sail into the heart of the lonely storm
and tell her that you'll love her eternally

Music by: Yeah Yeah Yeahs [iTunes Live Session EP2]

Monday, October 19, 2009

Das Leid

Our senses help our soul to understand what surrounds us and convert it into something we can understand. As complicated as it is; some of this phenomena are associated with specific thoughts or feelings linked by specific reasons and events.
It happens that music is capable of rising presumably hidden emotions; not necessarily representing what is correct or convenient...
I see why the need for a rodent figure now.
Music by: Kings of Leon [Use Somebody]

Friday, October 16, 2009

Solide sein

Es ist einfach...
Understanding the conditions of the moment is a key aspect of taking advantage over the situation and those players surrounding it.
It's true that the inertia related to the determinism of our actions will make us tremble once and again as long as we are not aware of our vision. Making adversity something better is a virtue reserved for those who embrace change and it's consequences as something natural to the process; and later focus themselves in the transformation. Past is something that must be there to remind us what we learned before; and show us that in order to learn, sometimes we must forget too.
This time brought something good for both of us; finally.
Music by: The Mars Volta [Inertiatic ESP]

Monday, October 12, 2009

das Mitleid

History of a lifetime is composed of spiral-like patterns slowly going towards the direction we want our freedom to take. Sometimes we can define were to go; but not always we find the favorable scenario for following an straight line therefore meaning the shorter road.

It is sure that we advance; the matter is how fast can we understand the conditions given and decide what to do next.... left... right... forwards... backwards... everytime a different intention joining together with present to see us change our mind. Purposes are questionable as long as this goals are set; and the means to go for them too.
Along this road we seek for the shorter story to fit our own...
Music by: Jarabe de Palo [Bonito]

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

die Abbruch

Once in a while you have in mind a person you cannot expect from being less than perfect. Maybe because you have known legends about braveness, loyalty, effort and courage properly written for an epic hero. This time was enough to form a behavior pattern that pushes you to go forward with the nirvana of an example that can be reached...
... and sometimes this story goes wrong in some point in a way imagination lacks of capacity to go far enough. This figure falls suddenly from a heavenly place to fit into a more "Terrenal" situation leaving a sense of flesh and bones and a new conception on how perfection is pursued. blood was the object of humanization...
Shall this be a cold reminder of this pitiful moment; even when it has glimpses of hope.
Music by: Lenny Kravitz [Stand by my woman]

Sunday, October 04, 2009


Unavoidable as long as our own existence represent a disturbance for the balance of what we categorize as an environment; the debts we create with the people that surround us and ourselves are part of the work we are supposed to give back to enable once again a "certain" balance. As long as we keep far from that draw match, it is harder to even see that this is actually a problem and that it is ourselves the answer holders.
Understanding these , I'm supposed to take actions derived on the follow up of a path that should lead me to something I'm supposed to want. Therefore, making my balance to come to a more possitive scenario where I can start again spending those cards. My pendulum is still trying to fit a cycle I can recognize. In the meantime, I know that patience is something I'm lacking of lately, and I don't want to ruin whatever may could come later.
Supposed... I should really be worried regarding what does that mean for me at this time.
Music by: Muse [I Belong to you - mon coeur s'ourve à ta voix]

Sunday, September 27, 2009


Etwas... that's the item that becomes our eternal struggle to strive for more on each aspect of our lives that is not fully understood as a race. If you cannot have something then you must adapt even yourself to have it, and in this way you can discover what else is missing on your list so you can need to adapt yourself.
This sounds astonishingly silly when faced against the simplicity of the concepts we can find on a stand alone conception of things thinned by alcohol on any form. It is true that some things cannot be changed and only conceived through the complete understandment of the nature that originates it's fate. Some people conceive this and precisely the opposite just as the plain truth that must rule and what is funny from this matter is that no one is wrong.
By far I remember that cloudy times brings the need to find the inner light for each one of us; and that no wind can blow on my own sails if they are not ready to push. Deep in my mind are the things I cannot answer until I find my own explanation and there is where I must keep them to avoid spreading the problem to what actually is making me happy.
The eternal discussion regarding how this all became to happen is just what can be written and read; and fortunately I'm starting to be tired of hearing others about a science that is not known.
On a margin to all notes; I'm glad that the person that always push me upward in many forms through this and many many other times; had a good time on the day that was conceived to do so.
... Zum Geburtstag viel Glück!!!!
Music by: Muse [ Uprising[

Monday, September 21, 2009

der verrückt, die kraft und das urteil

Many things in life happen without a fixed explanation on the purposes of it's own nature. Mainly, because nobody with eyes an tongue is in charge of delivering such an story to each one asking for this report; and this should be understood as the nature of life.
I had the enormous joy of having played a role in my own play founded in love and care. This was a time in which I personally believed in personal growth and respect in a way I have never lived before, falling and rising once and again each time to face new challenges with increased strength. But as all stories come to an end when they have been properly developed, the time came with the premise of making this of my own for the rest of my life. I still refuse to believe that in order to gain something bigger; something else must be lost; as I will always discover in a new way how big this time was.

All words have been said, all the apologies have been made and all the commitments are now drawn from the pain to exceed our expectations on the future. Shall this be a reminder that every minute of happiness is worth a thousand hours of work and pain; and when this price has a face and a heart willing to go through the same as a reflection; true happiness is the only feasible consequence.
The time to show everything not just in e-paper is from now on an unavoidable fate. I must find this a promise on my own.
So... day 1.
Music by: Muse [ Exogenesis: Symphony Pt. III - Redemption]

Thursday, September 17, 2009


It's clear now.

It depends on me.

In the past it happened somehow, once and again, this time too...

...but I'm not worried.

I have done it before.

It will be made again.

I will made it again.

Music by: Muse [ Exogenesis: Symphony Pt. II - Cross Polination]

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Han sido días tranquilos en muchos sentidos, en los cuales he tomado el tiempo para devolverme parte de las cosas con las que estaba enormemente endeudado conmigo mismo. Tambien han sido días nublados y por ello reflexivos en la soledad de la abstracción personal.

Me doy cuenta que la unica constante que me mantiene mentalmente activo es el hecho de que siempre hay algo mas adelante en lo que pensar esperando el resultado mas favorable. por ahora son muchos esos factores; algunos mas relevantes que otros.

La comida es algo que he desestimado recientemente, y quisiera continuar de esa forma.
Inclusive, el compromiso de escribir es corto por ahora.


Music by: The Muse [Unnatural Selection]

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Nachricht von todes

All winter, we got carried
Oh way over on the rooftops let's get married.
All summer we just hurried
so come over, just be patient, and don't worry.
So come over, just be patient, and don't worry...

So come over, just be patient, and don't worry.

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;
I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge;
I don't wanna follow death and all his friends.

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end;
I don't wanna cycle, recycle revenge;
I don't wanna follow death and all of his friends.

Music by: Coldplay [Death and all of his friends]

Monday, August 03, 2009


Nur wie der originell zukunft... beide zusammengeschliesst geschichte am die nächste tag vergessen werden.

Vielleicht es ist noch einmal am besten.
ein bisschen.

Musik von: The White Stripes [The Denial Twist]

Sunday, July 26, 2009


Once you get too deep into the misunderstanding of what seems to be/happen/occur everytime the things are going out of spec; the things may start going bad and bad as long as this is not what is supposed to look like on your life. Feeling annoyed regarding how to deal with this in addition to everything else that look upon the horizon, I do realize what does it feel to be alone.
It is not like you cannot smell the perfume and follow your sense to react; but only have flashbacks of what mas scented the past with smiles and joy... missing what made you strong to keep it that way for long. Such a shame when you are not willing to do something...
... I'm confused...
I had the chance of looking to a story of what happens when the world has expected less than nothing from you; and even then caring the less from the world become more important everytime your realize about your insignificance. It may have been just an extraordinary arrangement of human inspiration, but at least teaches me a different meaning of love for oneself.
Becoming more and more drastically, I will prepare a better vision of thing based on my own novel...
Music by: Slovo [Whisper]

Friday, July 10, 2009


A glimpse of light comes in a language that you cannot understand, but only realize...

Hendumst í hringi
Höldumst í hendur
Allur heimurinn óskýr
nema þú stendur

Allur rennvotur
Engin gúmmístígvél
Hlaupandi í okkur ?
Vill springa út úr skel

Vindur í
og útilykt ? af hárinu þínu
Ég lamdi eins fast og ég get
með nefinu mínu

Hoppa í poll
Í engum stígvélum
Allur rennvotur(rennblautur)
Í engum stígvélum

Og ég fæ blóðnasir
En ég stend alltaf upp

Og ég fæ blóðnasir
En ég stend alltaf upp

Music by: Sigur Ros [Hoppipolla[

Monday, July 06, 2009

Keine Löffel

Do not try to bend the spoon.

That's impossible.

Instead... only try to realize the truth.

There is no spoon.

Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

Music by: Kings of Leon [The Bucket]

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Alkoholische Tiere

Brass Monkey,

That Funky Monkey,

Brass Monkey Junkie,

That Funky Monkey...

Music by: The Beastie Boys [Brass Monkey]

Thursday, June 04, 2009


By those illustrated in the simplicity of things; the explanation of any phenomenon should make as few assumptions as possible, eliminating those that make no difference in the observable predictions of the explanatory hypothesis or theory. When multiple competing hypotheses are equal in other respects, the principle recommends selecting the hypothesis that introduces the fewest assumptions and postulates the fewest entities.

Hypotheses exist to give accurate explanations of phenomena, and simplicity is a valuable aspect of an explanation because it makes the explanation easier to understand and work with. Thus, if two hypotheses are equally accurate and neither appears more probable than the other, the simple one is to be preferred over the complicated one, because simplicity is practical.

The problem of deciding between competing explanations for empirical facts cannot be solved by formal tools. Simplicity principles can be useful heuristics in formulating hypotheses, but they do not make a contribution to the selection of theories. A theory that is compatible with one person’s world view will be considered simple, clear, logical, and evident, whereas what is contrary to that world view will quickly be rejected as an overly complex explanation with senseless additional hypotheses.

I'd wish everything could keep as simple as that...

Music by: The Trashmen [Surfing Bird]

Monday, June 01, 2009

Thursday, May 28, 2009


When I was 15 years old I devoured my first Edgar Allan Poe book; it was "Tales of the Grotesque and Arabesque", a collection of short stories, containing some of the best from him.

It also included "The Raven", "The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket" and "The Gold-Bug". Such stories got a huge impact on my young self. The things I write about today are influenced by this author. He has an impact on the things I dream, to this day.I love (still do) the horror, the shock, the resurrected and the undead, the cryptography, the loneliness. The detective work...

Music by:My chemical romance [Blood]

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Wartime sounds

It's just like this only second everything has just stopped. Like a stepwatch measuring the last lap of a sucesion of an infinite of forgetted ones. Look behind and watch what you have dealed with; and no guarantee of going forward after that. Nice, but is starting to become common for me.

I look on the optimistic side of things everytime I need to do it. Why? I can't figure it out really. It's like start tripping on thin ice for a long long time; just wondering when the surface would break so I would finally feel the bone chilling cold at his very meaning. It's like hoping for falling to finally start going up. Nice dream by this point.

The problem is when this is actually becoming the problem; so tripping now makes me trip even more. I do, and I'm not proud of it. At the end is a part of me and I'm the only responsible for going ahead. ... responsible?

Wow, Now I sound as what you hate.

Music by: Aphex Twins [Come with Daddy]

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Flu-ID toughts

Iamherebyinductedtoconcludewithnomorethanthefirstimpression,that What we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us.Beingeasytounderstand,butmostofthetimeshardtolearn.SomedaysagoIintendedtomakethebest
andforsurenotforme.The key to change... is to let go of fear,andthiswouldseemharderandharderaswefailfromfeelingcomfortablewiththistruth.Fearis
thewaythingshappen.WhatIdobelieveisthat Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery ofit,andonlywhenweareabletorecognizethisasatruthwewillbeabletostartthepathofmakingitofourown;
Music by:Audisolave [Like a Stone]

Monday, April 20, 2009


The word error has different meanings aund usages relative to how it is conceptually applied. Contrary to an illusion, an error or mistake can be dispelled trough knowledge; however this could happen even when the performer has the knowledge to avoid the mistake and it's affected by distraction.
More cientifically speaking, an error is the difference between the desired and the actual performance of a behavior observed in an object or system. When designing a complex system, an error occurs when a "root factor" is not considered and thus is not bounded inside the laws that rule this system. If the error is often likely to happen more than once, then It becomes more and more evident when properly monitored; and will increase the possibility of being spotted.
Rather than being easy to solve, human behavior mistakes represent a true challenge when finding an answer; due to the fact that mind rules are not bounded to soft rules. A cognitive closure theory approach would state that the only way to feedback the mind regarding performance issues could imply the deep understanding of the causes the gap between desired and current state.
How is it now? That's such a dilemma.
Music by: Franz Ferdinand [Jaqueline]

Monday, March 02, 2009


1- Qwijibo

A fat, dumb, balding, North American ape with a short temper.

Homer Simpson is a qwijibo.

Music by : The Chemical Brothers [Saturate]

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Long tIme no sEe

oh so all my lovin' go's
under the fog fog fog
and i will leave them all
well i'm just a poor little baby
cause well i believe them all

oh so while your growing old
under the gun gun gun
and i believe them all
well i'm just one poor baby
cause well i believe them all

I wish i could buy back
the woman you stole

Y-control, Y-control
you walk, walk, walk, walk, walk my winners
out of control, out of control
you walk, walk, walk, walk, walk my winners
out of control, high control
you walk, walk, walk, walk, walk my winners
out of control, out of control
you walk, walk, walk, walk, walk my winners
outoh so all my lovin' go's

under the fog fog fog
and i believe them all
well i'm just a poor little baby
cause well i believe them all...

Music by: The Yeah Yeah Yeah's [Y control]

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


this is curiously the second time I use a similar device to write what slowly trascends my mind. I realize now that I'm going through a process of self recognaissance the meaning of being alone after all. I guess this is part of leaving a trace of peace under my own life, even I'm still afraid of the cost.

written on a WM6 device to

Wednesday, January 07, 2009


Gebete Nich Gefunden!