I think at the end all the time it is on me.
Not only because it was supposed to be this way; but also because I do think that it was necessary in order to gain a balance that could allow once again the future to manifest in a better shape. I'm still struggling with myself regarding how this situation can be handled without leaving space for committting with past mistakes as if I never had lived this before.
I still attach those concepts to these times I was not quite aware of the things I was living. I saw some ghosts in the same streets, and some postcards in the same places; that left me once again with the feeling of having lost something that cannot be replaced. I realized with a certain sadness that those streets lack of the same life than before, and that the color of those times was never related to the buildings. I even considered myself kind of disabled to go through the same again in some aspects; just because I'm still out of the focus that let me won before. Even when I'm pretty sure this is not what I want for myself soon (and never); I still freeze when facing the start of a path that may lead to everything I've ever wanted.
It is hard, maybe overseeing that I'm a person that sticks very roughly to dates and times. Once again the decision to go through this is all on me; but I still fear.
Even all this; I still believe that There are nine million bicycles in Beijing...
Music by: Katie Melua [ Nine million bicycles]
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